thewastedtodays

"there's no war that will end all wars."

posted on Thursday, November 13, 2014 @ 2:34 pm | permalink

Dear _____

Why do you think I'm never home?

Why do you think we've drifted apart?

I know you think it's my fucking fault that this is happening; because
I'm not telling you enough,
I'm not supporting you enough,
I don't understand you enough,
I don't love you enough.

And I also know that you don't feel you are at fault at all.
(Which is, of course, fucking stupid since you
always say: it takes two hands to clap.
You've never been one to practise what you preach, have you?

I admit:
I might not be telling you enough, but that's because
I've realised talking to you only serves to invite further points of contention, and
I'm so tired of arguing with you.
I might not be supporting you enough, but that's because
I've tried. Multiple times.
Either you're unconsciously rejecting my support, or my form of support isn't enough to satisfy you.
(Remember all those days I spent asking after your welfare, listening to your troubles, thanking you for the littlest things, and reminding you with those 'I love you's? No?)
I might not understand you, but that's because
I've never been through what you have, and I probably never will, and
if you wish your obstacles upon me, you are a much more worse person inside than
I initially thought.
I might seem like I don't love you enough, but that's because
I'm being hurt so badly by you, and it's fucking difficult to keep reminding myself that deep down, I have to still love you.
(And know that I truly do, just that I can barely show it anymore.)

Yes, I know,
you're struggling with your
problems,
and so are the rest of us even though it doesn't appear that way.
However, the world doesn't give a fuck about that, and
it will remain that way, so
I guess you better get used to it, and fast?

I'll always try and help you out, ______,
but I won't fall with you.
I'm just not willing to do that.

I hope it doesn't come to that.